I think I just took up smoking again.

I forgot how good it feels.

I love the refreshing taste of water, playing with people’s fingers when they let me, giggling, ignoring awkward moments, baking, and waking up early. I love to smile, even if it’s usually fake, to draw, even if I’m not that good at it, and to write, even if my words don’t normally make sense.

I love the rare moments where I wear clothing that I feel attractive in, to have someone to constantly talk to, and to have conversations that start off serious and then turns playful, only to have it circle back again. I love trying to make other people happy, I love being the person to talk to and to rely on, I love finding people that I can trust.

I love starting to like someone. I love saying, “I love you,” I love to sing, I love to be quiet, I love to whisper.

I love the moment just before the sun sets, where everything seems to glow. I love staring at the horizon and wishing I could walk along it, like on a tightrope. I love looking up at the stars or at a cloudy day, when the sky’s grey, damp, and threatening to rain.

I love being awake, I love sleeping, I love cuddling, I love feeling, and I love you.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling homesick, I like to close my eyes and picture myself driving through Garland. Sometimes, I’ll be driving highway 75 towards Northpark and Mockingbird Station or sometimes, I’ll be on my way to Wylie- passing Firewheel mall and all the little places along that way.
I’m always headed a different direction, sometimes I’ll drive the route to Ashley’s house or sometimes, I’ll be exploring the streets just to let my mind wander.

It’s the little, trivial places like, the Burger King I would pass several times a day to and from school or the traffic lights on Murphy road which took forever… little things like that, that fill my heart with longing. I can’t wait to visit and see how the surroundings have changed.

I had a dream about you last night,
and it was beautiful, but sad.